Sigh. Fall is such a pivotal season. Way more so than the new calendar year. At least for me. I’m not sure of a time when it wasn’t. As a student it marked the beginning of a new school year and a whole novel set of unknowns. As a parent, I pile my kids’ anxieties right on top of my own and can’t help but feel a little weighed down after feeling so light and unburdened through the summer (relatively, let’s not kid ourselves). They are my world and I want them to grow up independent, curious, eager to evolve and balanced. Most of all balanced. Sure of who they are and what their purpose is. Every time I get my own shit together enough that I seem to be managing this parenting gig okay, I feel blindfolded and spun around a bit. Fall does this to me every year. SO. MUCH. CHANGE.
Take my sinuses for one: they can’t decide to be happy with the new temperatures and smells or downright outraged, and seem to dangerously struggle back and forth all day long, leaving my head exhausted by nightfall.
Besides the itch of seasonal allergies, there is also a looming countdown clock that throbs whenever I allow thoughts of all that needs to happen between now and Christmas. One week until H’s birthday. Two weeks until hockey season. Three until Thanksgiving. Four until I travel. Don’t forget the three birthdays in there, four deadlines, thirteen appointments and those piles that keep mounting around the house. How are we doing for cash flow? Will we be okay for the next few months or do we need to make some cuts? I’d like to donate those bins of things we no longer need, but I really should sell some of it to add to the unknown expense savings. It takes so much time though. Maybe I should just donate. But wait, doesn’t that place just sell it? What’s a charity that would be better suited? Oh they just sell it to that same store too? Maybe I know of someone that could use it all? Hmm, no one needs those right now, maybe I should offer up for free? Uggh, crickets with free offers, maybe if I post with a low ball price they’ll at least gain some attention? What? You want me to drop the item to you? You want me to mail it to you?! Yes, someone is coming for the boots. Uggh, they didn’t show. Oh wait, they’ve rescheduled. Shoot, I forgot to leave them on the porch, I’ll have to head home. Phew! Got them out before the scheduled pick up time. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Oh, you decided you weren’t interested anymore? Okay, back to next in line. Oh wait, you’re wondering what was wrong with them that the person before passed? Uggh. Maybe I should just donate them.
And repeat. I’ve just wasted hours of time cumulatively this week and as I type this I see the backsplash is dirty, there are drip marks down the front of the cabinets and the range hood has an inch of dust. I should really deep clean the kitchen.
Ding.
School cash online. You have the option to select the following purchases for your child:
$
$
$$
$
$$$
Darn. I really should have asked for more money on that item I sold yesterday, it could have paid for that. What did I do with that bin of glassware? I should list those and get them out of the basement. How many did I have again?
(Downstairs I head)
Oh wait, I have those champagne glasses too. I should really list those as well. Oh, what’s this behind them? I forgot we had these! I should really get these out more often. Oh wait, that one’s broken, uggh, there aren’t enough for us all. I guess I should really get rid of these too.
And on, and on, and on.
Ever wish you could clear it all out, downsize to a little space, have only a bed to sleep, a comfortable living space to share and a good size kitchen in which to prepare and enjoy meals together?
I do, only every day. The fall gives me this itch to purge it all but also to find an efficiency to the purging. I’ve decided to set a time each day and only allow myself the minutes within it. Ask me how I fair in a month. That’s four weeks away. Four less weeks until Christmas. Oh my goodness, there’s only fourteen more.
What was I doing again?
